I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
