Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
