you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
