Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Randomize
