just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
