There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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