If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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