would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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