Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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