ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
