i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
