champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
