You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
