The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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