he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she told me i tasted like america
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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