When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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