"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
