This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
no. you can't hotbox the world.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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