Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
