i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
