Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
