You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
