I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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