kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
