Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize