If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
