I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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