I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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