in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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