Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
