Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
