my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize