i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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