I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
