I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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