so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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