mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
