Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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