No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
