I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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