the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
