I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
