I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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