My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize