A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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