You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
