That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
