We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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