God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
