Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
