no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
