is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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