You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
