There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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