apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
