she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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