You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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