I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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