my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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