did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
