drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
