oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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