Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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