I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
