Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
