At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
