got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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