I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize