i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
