I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
