On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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