Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
