the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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