Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
